Have you ever just felt exhausted for long periods of time? Whether it’s because of bad health, or emotional wear, or just too much of life at once, it’s just not much fun. That’s been me for the past couple weeks. What with trying to regularly get up early, going to college, trying not to stress about a million and one things, I think it’s finally gotten to me. All I want to do is sleep, despite the fact that there’s plenty of work that needs done. And a little brother who could always use a playmate. And homework that needs um, worked on. Go figure.
What are you supposed to do about stubborn exhaustion that no amount of naps can repulse? While upbeat music is nice, it doesn’t fix everything. And neither do chocolate or caffeine. Sorry, people. (Actually, neither do avocados or sardines, much as I love them. *Gasp*) Guess what? Material things can only do so much, and then you have to find something else. Or maybe I should say Someone else.
“Be still, and know I am God.”
But what about all the things I still have to do today? And what about the relationships that I don’t understand where I’m supposed to take? And I’m still tired, God!
“Be still and know that I am God.”
But what about life? The world won’t wait for me.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
How? I’m not sure I even know what being still means anymore. My brain goes hopping down bunny trails in the jungle at seventy miles per hour, and even I get left behind wondering where it’s going. And good grief, I can’t just get out of working around the house just like that, either. Aren’t there apples that need picked, goats that need milked, apples to process, supper to make, milk to make into cheese? What about college? And homework? I can’t skip them either.
But wait. Remember riding a bike for miles and miles just as the sun was beginning to rise? Remember running in the early morning in the mist down a tree-lined lane? Remember the peace they gave you? Remember how you always found yourself in awe of God by them? Remember how they convinced you He was faithful in everything? Remember how He always gave you the strength to finish running or riding your bike, no matter how hard it was? Isn’t this the same? Isn’t God faithful in giving you the strength to live every day, just like He always gives you strength to run? Isn’t it God who does all that, not you?
I…guess I kind of forgot about that. It’s true, God can give me the strength to carry on, even when I’m exhausted. He can give me the ability to love others, even though I just want to collapse and forget about everything. He can. He will. He does. He is. So why in the world am I trying to play God and give myself strength? Pssh, like that’s going to work real well! “Buck up, Calista. You can do it if you just work a little harder, which will stress you out a little more, and make you even more tired.” Maybe I should try being still for once and let God be God. Maybe I should wait for the Lord instead of trying to do everything in my own strength and ‘falling exhausted’. Yeah, I sure wish I was soaring right now, but every time I try to fly by myself I hit my head on the ground. So maybe it’s time I was grateful that I’m on the ground. Instead of being frustrated because I’m too weak to fly, maybe I should be grateful that my God loves me enough to give me the strength to walk when I can’t fly. Maybe I should be grateful that the walking won’t last forever. Someday I’ll fly again. And maybe…just maybe…someday I’ll look back and see how God refined me in a way I couldn’t have been otherwise.