Back to Square One

Ever feel like you just can’t get over your faults? They trap you inside like a mile-high brick wall that glares and threatens whenever you even think about scaling it. Ever just want to sit at the bottom of the wall and give up, because it is just too hard?

I have. Especially in the past couple of years as I’ve dealt with some depression. I think I’m just about to make a breakthrough and finally ‘be good’ like I so badly want to be, and then I trip and fall over my pride or my selfishness all over again, and it feels like I’m right back at square one. There have been days when I’ve wondered if I would ever be worth anybody’s while. There have been days when I just wanted to dispair and give up trying. Some days I just want to cry like Paul “Wretched man [girl] that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

Thank God, that verse is not the end of the story! The next one provides the answer: Jesus Christ. It’s not going to be me that conquers these stubborn faults of mine, but Christ in me, as He slowly refines my heart to be more like His. Sometimes it just takes a painful reminder that I keep trying to do it on my own strength, and a smidgeon of dispair to send me back to Him for help and hope. So it’s not back to square one, but back to His word. And that’s a lot better place to go back to.

Categories: Ponderizations | Leave a comment

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