It seems pretty popular among single girls to have a “what he must be” list. Just today I saw an article with the traits a guy needs to have in order for a girl to marry him. While that’s all fine and good, I think sometimes we go overboard. Several years ago I had my own list going, and it was definitely overboard! Preferences accidentally slipped in as musts and the thing was something like two pages long.
In the last couple of years though, I’ve come to realize it’s not about a list. It doesn’t necessarily matter whether or not he likes sports or whether or not he was homeschooled. Why? Because even if he doesn’t care for sports (like me) and was homeschooled all the way through high school (I was), if his relationship with God is out of whack or nonexistent, he’s still the wrong guy. You can check off all the little preferences and still have a gaping hole where the musts are, and while you might think you’re pretty lucky to not have any of your little pet peeves irritated because you got what you wanted, you’re in trouble because you missed what you needed.
What does a woman need the most in a husband? She needs a man more in love with Christ than he is with her even. If Christ is not first in his heart, then none of the other desirable qualities have a reason to be there – but if he seeks God with all his heart, they will follow naturally in time. What a Christian woman needs is a man who is actively growing closer to God.
On the flip side, the same goes for women. At risk of sounding presumptuous (since I’m not a guy), men need women who love Christ more than they love their husbands. While her interest or lack thereof in his hobbies might be important, her relationship with Christ matters still more. It’s her love for Christ that will inspire godly character in her and enable her to love and support him throughout the rest of their lives.
See, if Christ is honestly first in both their lives, a husband and wife will be able to handle their differences in a godly way, and God will change any preferences that weren’t in line with His. Meanwhile, the musts will fall into place if God comes first. So it’s not so much about a list as it is about a personal relationship…with God. And that’s why my list up and vanished – because the more I thought about it, the more I realized it didn’t matter half so much as I thought it did. So I don’t really have much of a list anymore. What I’ll be looking for (whenever a guy actually enters the picture) first and foremost is his relationship with his Maker. If God takes the place He should in his life, then I don’t much have to worry about the rest. It’ll fall into place.
Now, the question is, am I putting God first in my life? Am I that kind of woman that he will need someday? It’s become a sort of catchphrase for me – “I will love You first” – and now I’m passing the toe-stomper off to you. Do we – do I – do you – really seek to love Him first of all?