Looking back, I realize that the title I picked when I started this blog really reflected some of my major struggles at the time…one of them being the struggle with insecurity and inadequacy. Growing up, I have always been painfully aware of everything I consider to be a failure, whether or not it actually bothers anyone else or whether they even notice it. I want to apologize for them beforehand so people don’t think badly of me (Like that ever worked…) and try to keep them from having too high of expectations about me because “I might mess up”. It’s a real struggle. And looking back, the title I picked for my little blog reflected what I thought of myself then – someone who always made blotches and blunders of anything she did.
Well, since then I’ve decided that’s not who I am, not who I want to be for the rest of my life; someone who can’t be trusted with responsibility because she’s too terrified she will fail. I want to be able to step up and be an adult and take responsibility when I should and be dependable and reliable. Most of all, I want to be confident in who I am and what I do and not worry about the little mistakes here and there.
When I went through STEP Advanced as a student, one afternoon we spent time working on identity statements for ourselves. Part of the process involved looking up the meaning of one’s name. Me being the person who loves name meanings, I went the extra mile and looked up both my first and middle name. Put together (and ignoring the fact that they’re from two different languages), Calista Bethelle means “most beautiful house of God”. It makes me think of the temple in Israel, and further, the verses talking about us being temples of the Holy Spirit. And it’s an incredible reminder to me of who I am in Christ. I’m not a mistake. I’m not just a big blunder walking around waiting to happen. I’m not a failure who will never amount to anything. In Christ, I may make “blotches and blunders” from time to time, but He turns around and makes them beautiful.
The same is true of every follower of Christ. You’re not a mistake. You are not just a clumsy nobody who can’t do anything right. You are a beautiful temple of the Holy Spirit, a monument to the glory of God. By the blood of Christ your blotches and blunders are made beautiful. You are capable of anything, because you have His power in you. Remember that. Live confidently in that.
Note: With that in mind, I’ll soon be updating the title with two important words (and changing the header image to go with it) to reflect what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown. So “just don’t…don’t freak out.” (~Rapunzel, from Tangled)