Life has been interesting recently. (Part of the reason I didn’t post last week.) In recent months I’ve been thinking about college (which I never thought I was going to do). I’ve picked where I want to go, but the process of getting there has already been quite a journey. It’s been really neat watching how God has been working with me through the process, so I’d like to share about that. This may be a little long and ramble-y.
My first concern was money. College is excruciatingly expensive, as everybody knows, and I’m not exactly sleeping on a pile of gold despite my claims to being a dragon. If you know me and my tendency to stress about things, you know where this is going. I was overwhelmed. When it comes to finding scholarships I feel completely ignorant, and the enemy used that to start tripping me up with discouraging lies. “You can’t do this.” “You don’t have what it takes to win enough scholarships.” “You can’t even find scholarships – there’s no way you could go to college completely on scholarships like so-and-so did.” Discouragement stole my energy, and then I fell back into those lovely old depression thoughts and got (literally) nothing done.
I’m thankful that God is gracious and He doesn’t ever give up on my because of my frail faith. He used a really neat thrift-store find (a navy trench coat like I’ve been wanting and lovely boots in almost perfect condition – both extremely rare for a small-town thrift store) after having been in the store only ten minutes (it usually takes a lot longer to find something you want than that) to remind me that if He can just drop something in my lap that’s so small yet so specific to my desires, He is absolutely more than capable of providing what I need for college. He also used a friend of mine to encourage me when I was getting down after looking for scholarships to no avail. Since her encouragement for me to keep looking to Him, I’ve found several nice ones to apply for. Whether they go through or not is up to Him, but I remember that “the lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:33) God is in control of who wins what scholarship, and if His desire is for me to go to college then He will make it possible financially for me to go.
What a blessing to have His quiet assurance that He will provide for me in His own time and way! In the middle of wrestling with scholarships, He has been challenging me not to let this major financial monster that’s staring at me turn me into a stingy hoarder “because I’ll need it”. Last year I was blessed to be able to give away quite a bit of my income, which, had I saved it, would have brought me that much closer to being able to afford a car to get me to and from college. But I was glad to give that money away. I want to be free from worry and do that again this year. Yes, I’ll probably be keeping my eyes peeled for a car and saving for it, but by God’s grace I’ll also be giving what I can to those who need it.
Add to that mix the fact that I just found out the coffeehouse where I work is closing at the end of the month and I will be out of my job, and you would think I’ve been worrying. Much to my own surprise, I didn’t lose any sleep about it. That’s the power of the peace of God. It’s incredible, and I’m so thankful that it’s where He’s brought me to. My prayer for college is that if He wants me to go, He would make it happen in such a way that it was obviously His doing and not my own. And well, He seems to be doing just that. 🙂