Not Big Enough

I feel very small. Not, perhaps, in an altogether bad way. I feel like a little girl that wants to help her daddy work, but she’s too small to do any of it by herself and needs his hands on hers to guide her through the movements, his muscles behind hers to give her the strength she needs.

God’s opening new doors that frankly I’m a little terrified to walk through. I don’t feel “big enough” to handle what’s on the other side, and I’m not sure I can make it to the threshold, much less cross over it. I sure can’t in my own strength.

Yet I know without a doubt that this is Him leading me. While new and different responsibilities at work intimidate me, I know He led me to this job to answer my prayer that He provide for my financial needs. And if He can provide for me financially, He can provide whatever I might need on the other side of these responsibilities. And while finding scholarships is baffling and I feel paralyzed, I know He is the one opening the doors to college, and if He is doing that, then I know He has a plan for me there – and meanwhile, He can give me what I need to find the money that I need in order to get there.

It’s that old trust thing again. Trust Him for strength to take the next step. Seek His guidance to figure out which decision to make, that to say no to, where to go next. In case you hadn’t picked it up from past posts, Psalm 37:3-5 is “my” theme song for this chapter in my life (pretend it’s music):

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in Him, and He will act.

Like when I was little and I would put my feet on Daddy’s and he would hold my hands and walk with me, but now it’s me and God, because I’m still too little to do this alone. My feet on top of His, to take one teeny step at a time, my hands held tenderly in His to keep me from falling. And isn’t that how we’re supposed to live life? Humbly trusting Him for help even just to walk through the open doors He places in front of us, understanding that we really are “too little” to do anything of worth unless we’re empowered with His Holy Spirit. I wish I could remember this more often. Here I go again, walking on His feet. One step at a time, we’re going to make it through that door ahead.

Categories: Ponderizations | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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