Not My Will

I hate waiting. You’d think by now I would have gotten a little better at it by now, but I’m just as terrible at it as I ever was. The longer I have to wait for something the antsier I get, and I’m currently in the antsy stage as I wait to find out if I’m going to spend half a summer sweating in Texas again or not. (Not to mention I’m waiting to hear back about scholarships.)

I had to get outside in the gray, almost-raining weather the other day, and as I sat under the trees and thought about STEP (the camp in Texas as referenced above) and the people I love and miss and long to work with again, a phrase popped into my mind.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

Ha, almost Biblical, right?

I can fret and twiddle my thumbs and check my email ten times a day (more like twenty) but at the end of the day I can’t make things happen one way or another. And you know? If He says no and changes my plans, I want to be willing and ready to go with it wholeheartedly.

It’s a daily battle, surrendering my hopes and plans. Sometimes multiple times daily, actually. I wish I could master it once and for all but at the end of the day it keeps me coming back to Him. Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done. Keep me focused on You, keep me content with You. Use me.

Categories: Ponderizations | Leave a comment

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