I’ve had so many ups and downs in this crazy journey to find the money to make college possible! God has brought me a long way, and I have roughly two-thirds of what I need to pay my expenses…but recently, as the weeks have flown by and August 20 suddenly tells me it’s not very far away at all, that last third has begun to frighten me. I keep remembering a quote by Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love:
“But God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through.”
This whole process has been one of trust, every step of the way, from wondering if college was worth the time and money, to visiting the campus, to enrolling and picking a dorm. I feel confident that this is where God wants me to go, and I feel sure that He will both use me in this new adventure and grow me to a depth I have not yet known. I also believe that debt is not part of His will for mankind, and if He wants me to study at a college He will provide a way.
Yet, the enemy knows I’m susceptible to fear and doubt, and he has made sure to leverage it. The past couple days have been ones of battle against his lies and my own human fears. If God does not provide the last $9-10,000, I really will be in a bind because I have no Plan B. I have no regular income (occasional housecleaning, etc.) at the moment, most of my savings from the jobs God gave me this spring are gone, and it would be difficult (emotionally if nothing else) to withdraw from the school now that I’ve come this far. I’ve committed myself in the trust that God would provide what I need.